Family Caregiving Is Overrated

It is easy to idealize the multigenerational household, but if you do this, you underestimate the stress and conflict that are constantly rumbling below the surface when more than two adults live together in the same house.  Orrin Onken, a retired elder law attorney, recently wrote an article on Business Insider, in which he explained his decision not to age in place.  Orrin and his wife have decided that, when they can no longer take care of their house, they will sell it and move to an assisted living facility.  Based on the experiences of his clients, Orrin believes that this is the best thing for his family, both financially and in terms of keeping familial relationships intact.  He prefers a scenario where professional caregivers do the caregiving and family members carry on with the business of being a family.  For help thinking through the financial and non-financial aspects of long-term care, contact a Tampa estate planning lawyer.

Unpaid Labor Is a Fast Track to Burnout and Resentment

In the abstract, caring for your elderly parents is love, or perhaps it is a moral obligation.  When you are doing it day in and day out, though, you quickly realize that it is work.  Unlike professional caregivers, family caregivers do not get paid.  Yes, employees of understaffed long-term care facilities get burnt out, to disastrous consequences, but imagine how quickly the burnout happens when caregiving is a 24-7 job that happens in your own home.

The financial consequences are just as bad for family caregivers.  Orrin notes that most family caregivers are in their 50s, the age when they should put their whole selves into their careers to save for retirement and build generational wealth.

To Add Insult to Injury, Your Siblings Accuse You of Undue Influence

Not only is live-in caregiving rough on the family member who assumes the caregiver role, but it can also cause conflict with siblings.  The caregiver resents the siblings who can focus on their careers and enjoy their free time while she works constantly to take care of elderly parents who are never satisfied with anything.  Meanwhile, the siblings accuse the caregiver sibling of slacking on her caregiving responsibilities, exploiting the parents for free housing, or worse, wheedling her away to a greater share of the inheritance.  Orrin says he has seen siblings petition the court for guardianship of parents who live with a caregiver sibling who got on the last nerve of the other siblings.

How Family Members Can Show That They Care When You Live in an Assisted Living Facility

By contrast, when seniors move to assisted living by their own choice, their children can still show they care.  Children can provide companionship through visits and phone calls, while professional caregivers who are getting paid a fair wage do the caregiving work.

Contact David Toback About Preparing for Long-Term Care

A Central Florida estate planning lawyer can help you build a plan where your family members will not get overwhelmed with caregiving responsibilities.  Contact David Toback in Tampa, Florida to set up a consultation.

Source:

businessinsider.com/retired-children-care-assisted-living-2025-4